The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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