Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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