update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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