I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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