Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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