I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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