im having a threesome with these popsicles
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
