I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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