beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
