hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
