how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
