all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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