I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
