I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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