i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
