How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
