I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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