Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
organizing the empties. That sober.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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