i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
