I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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