So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
