so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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