Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
