if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
