I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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