Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
