I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
