return my video game
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
