So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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