I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i believe in u and ur pee
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
