So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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