I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
