I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
