so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
