would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
