We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
