dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
handjob tips. give me some.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
