her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
