My liver just broke up with me...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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