your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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