My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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