dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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