god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
