The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
