Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
how drunk are you?
Several
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
