Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
