If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
