Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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