I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
