I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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